The Platinum Rule

Treat others the way they want to be treated.

By Tony Alessandra

An indisputable business fact is that people do business with people they like. The ability to create rapport with a large number of people is a fundamental skill in sales, management, personal relationships and everyday life.

We have all heard the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The Golden Rule implies that other people would like to be treated the way that you would like to be treated. An alternative to the Golden Rule is The Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” What a difference! The Platinum Rule accommodates the needs of others.

A Modern Model for Chemistry
The goal of The Platinum Rule is personal chemistry and productive relationships. You do not have to change your personality. You do not have to roll over and submit to others. You simply have to understand what drives people and recognize your options for dealing with them.

The Platinum Rule divides behavioral preferences into four basic styles: Directors, Socializers, Relaters and Thinkers. Everyone possesses the qualities of each style to various degrees, and everyone has a dominant style. For simplicity, this article focuses only on the four dominant styles. As you read the descriptions of Directors, Socializers, Relaters and Thinkers, see which style fits you best. Then think about people around you—at home and at work—and determine their styles.

Directors
Directors are driven by the need to control and to achieve. Directors are goal-oriented go-getters who are most comfortable when they are in charge of people and situations. They want to accomplish many things—now—so they focus on no-nonsense approaches to bottom-line results.

Directors seek expedience and are not afraid to bend the rules. They figure it is easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission. Directors accept challenges, take authority and plunge headfirst into solving problems. They are fast-paced, task-oriented and work quickly and impressively by themselves, which means they become annoyed with delays.

Directors are driven and dominating, which can make them stubborn, impatient and insensitive to others. Directors are so focused that they forget to take the time to smell the roses.

Adapting to Directors
How should you treat Directors? They?re very time-sensitive, so never waste their time. Be organized and get to the point. Give them bottom-line information and options, with probabilities of success, if relevant. Give them written details to read at their leisure.

Directors are goal-oriented, so appeal to their sense of accomplishment. Stroke their egos by supporting their ideas, and acknowledge their power and prestige. Let Directors call the shots. If you disagree, argue with facts, not feelings. In groups, allow them to have their say because they are not the type who will take a back seat to others. With Directors, in general, be efficient and competent.

Socializers
Socializers are friendly, enthusiastic “party animals” who like to be where the action is. They thrive on the admiration, acknowledgment and compliments that come with being in the limelight. Socializers just want to have fun. They are more relationship-oriented than task-oriented. Socializers would rather schmooze with clients over lunch than work in the office.

Socializers? primary strengths are enthusiasm, charm, persuasiveness and warmth. They are idea-people and dreamers who excel at getting others excited about their vision. They are eternal optimists with an abundance of charisma. These qualities help them influence people and build alliances to accomplish their goals.

As wonderful as Socializers may sound, they do have their weaknesses: impatience, an aversion to being alone and a short attention span. Socializers are risk-takers who base many of their decisions on intuition, which is not inherently bad. When given only a little data, however, Socializers often exaggerate or make sweeping generalizations. Socializers are not inclined to verify information; they are more likely to assume someone else will do it.

Adapting to Socializers
How should you treat Socializers? Socializers thrive on personal recognition, so pour it on sincerely. Support their ideas, goals, opinions and dreams. Try not to argue with their pie-in-the-sky visions; get excited about them. Socializers are social butterflies, so be ready to flutter around with them. A strong presence, stimulating and entertaining conversation, jokes and liveliness will win them over. They are people oriented, so give them time to socialize. Avoid rushing into tasks. In general, be interested in them.

Thinkers
Thinkers are analytical, persistent, systematic people who enjoy problem solving. Thinkers are detail-oriented, which makes them more concerned with content than style. Thinkers are task-oriented people who enjoy perfecting processes and working toward tangible results. They focus on the trees, whereas Directors and Socializers focus on the forest. Thinkers are almost always in control of their emotions and may become uncomfortable around people who are very outgoing, such as Socializers.

In the office, Thinkers work at a slow pace, allowing them to double-check their work. They tend to see the serious, complex side of situations, but their intelligence and ability to see different points of view endow them with quick and unique senses of humor.

Thinkers have high expectations of themselves and others, which can make them over-critical. Their tendency toward perfectionism—taken to an extreme—can cause “paralysis by over-analysis.” Thinkers are slow and deliberate decision-makers. They do research, make comparisons, determine risks, calculate margins of error and then take action. Thinkers become irritated by surprises and glitches, hence their cautious decision-making. Thinkers are also skeptical, so they like to see promises in writing.

Thinkers? strengths include an eye for detail and accuracy, dependability, independence, persistence, follow-through and organization. They are good listeners and ask a lot of questions; however, they run the risk of missing the forest for the trees.

Adapting to Thinkers
How should you adapt to Thinkers? They are time-disciplined, so be sensitive to their time. They need details, so give them data. They are task-oriented, so don?t expect to become their friend before working with them. Friendship may develop later, but—unlike Socializers—it is not a prerequisite.

Support Thinkers in their organized, thoughtful approach to problem-solving. Be systematic, logical, well-prepared and exact with them. Give them time to make decisions and work independently. Allow them to talk in detail. In work groups, do not expect Thinkers to be leaders or outspoken contributors, but do rely on them to conduct research, crunch numbers and perform detailed footwork for the group. If appropriate, set guidelines and exact deadlines. Thinkers like to be complimented on their brainpower, so recognize their contributions accordingly. With Thinkers, be thorough, well-prepared, detail-oriented, businesslike and patient.

Relaters
Relaters are warm, supportive, nurturing individuals. They are the most people-oriented of the four styles. Relaters are excellent listeners, devoted friends and loyal employees. Their relaxed disposition makes them approachable and warm. They develop strong networks of people who are willing to be mutually supportive and reliable. Relaters are excellent team players.

Relaters are risk-averse. In fact, Relaters may tolerate unpleasant environments rather than risk change. They like the status quo and become distressed when disruptions are severe. When Relaters are faced with change, they need to think it through, plan and accept it into their world. More than the other behavioral types, Relaters strive to maintain personal composure, stability and balance.

In the office, Relaters are courteous, friendly and willing to share responsibilities. They are good planners, persistent workers and good with follow-through. Relaters go along with others even when they do not agree because they do not want to rock the boat. Relaters are slow decision-makers because of their need for security, their need to avoid risk and their desire to include others in the decision-making process.

Adapting to Relaters
How should you treat Relaters? They are relationship-oriented and want warm and fuzzy relationships, so take things slow, earn their trust, support their feelings and show sincere interest. Talk in terms of feelings, not facts, which is the opposite of the strategy for Thinkers. Relaters don?t want to ruffle feathers. They want to be assured that everyone will approve of them and their decisions. Give them time to solicit co-workers? opinions. Never back a Relater into a corner. It is far more effective to apply warmth to get this chicken out of its egg than to crack the shell with a hammer. With Relaters, in general, be non-threatening and sincere.

The Platinum Rule is a powerful life skill that will serve you well in all your relationships—business, friends, family, spouse and children.